Building Relationships
Even though individuals who are experiencing a mental health issue may want to see their friends less than usual, it is important to maintain those relationships. Friendships have an important role both in recovery and in combating the isolation that often accompanies depression and other mental health conditions. However, developing and continuing relationships does take effort.
Friendships should be based on mutuality and reciprocation. Signs of healthy ones include listening to and trusting one another, feeling good about yourself around the individual, and being comfortable discussing your emotions with him or her. You should be able to make decisions together and disagree without hurting one another. True friends treat you with kindness and accept, encourage and help you.
Identify two or three people outside of your immediate family with whom you would most like to form a connection. Relationships take time to develop so it is important to see or interact with them often. Communicate regularly and try to determine the preferred method of contact (Snaps, texts, E-Mails or phone calls, etc.) for each. Accept invitations even if they involve places or activities that are not your favorites. (When you repeatedly turn people down, they may stop asking you to do things.) You can suggest something you enjoy more for the next time you get together.
Being kind and showing compassion are essential to developing a relationship. One of the best ways to learn about someone is to ask him or her questions and find connections. Pick neutral moments, such as during a meal or walk, and not the beginning of the day or bedtime to talk. Listen without giving advice unless you are asked for it. Be open about yourself and show that you can be trusted by being dependable, honoring commitments and keeping confidential information private.
It is easier to ask for help in good relationships and friends can be someone to commiserate with while also inspiring you to be your best. Rather than having a “scarcity mentality” where you view others in an adversarial way as competitors, have an abundance mindset and focus on their strengths. If you are interested in meeting new people, consider attending a peer support group, volunteering or joining a book club or exercise class. (Online options for the latter exist during the pandemic, such as Female Strong, which runs a Summer book club for middle and high school girls, and Fairfax County’s Healthy Strides Community Classes, which are free and open to the public.)
Friendships should be unconditional and not based on your being or behaving a certain way. Warning signs of a bad relationship include: individuals texting or calling only when they want something and/or being aggressively competitive; being a bad influence and making you do things that get you into trouble; having conversations that only revolve around them, where you rarely have a chance to talk about yourself; bringing drama into your life and being unreliable, canceling plans often; talking about other friends behind their backs or not inviting you to events with mutual acquaintances; and their not being happy for you when good things happen in your life and/or insulting or making fun of you in front of others. If you determine that someone is not a true friend, allow the relationship to fade away naturally. Stop making plans with him or her and replying to texts and phone calls. The distance will gradually increase until you are no longer friends.
It sometimes can be difficult to talk to family members about mental health. Friendships provide an additional perspective while increasing your self-confidence and sense of belonging, and lessening anxiety and stress. It is never too late to form new relationships or reconnect with old friends.