Combating Unhealthy Competition

In Northern Virginia, adolescents often confront intense competition for distinction. This, along with the common misperception that they should exhibit effortless perfection, leaves many feeling unable to show vulnerability. Area teenagers frequently have few if any leisure activities that they participate in purely for fun and which lack adult scrutiny. (Parents and guardians need to realize that their criticism does not dissipate for youth even when it is followed by positive attention and/or affection.)

This secrecy about personal struggles isolates adolescents, inhibiting connections with others and exacerbating their distress. The adults in teenagers’ lives should emphasize decency and kindness as much as or more than academic and extracurricular success. Youth must be taught that communicating their emotions in a clear, honest way is an essential life skill. To accomplish this, ask your child about his or her day and tell him or her about yours. Talk about how you are feeling, including your own anger and sadness.

In addition to celebrating his or her victories, provide your child with unconditional love, concern and encouragement, understanding that your body language is just as important as the words you use. Find moments when your teen will talk to you. Be attentive without offering suggestions. (Try to listen four times more than you talk.) Finally, remember that you cannot view your adolescent’s Instagram or Facebook posts and Snapchat stories, which likely have pictures of him or her smiling and seeming to enjoy life, and conclude that he or she is not depressed or confronting other mental health issues. Many individuals hide their feelings and present a persona that is very different from the reality they currently face.

Photo courtesy of rawpixel.com/www.freepik.com.