Emotions

If youth do not know how to think about, express and share their emotions and feelings, they may act out rather than seek help when they need it. Parents can share their concern by saying, “I can tell you are upset. Can we set a time to talk about it when you are ready?” If either of you become frustrated, suggest taking a moment to calm down and continue the conversation later. Remember to be conscious of your tone and body language. How you speak is just as important as what you say. Parents need to model regulating their emotions and staying calm, especially if they ask their children to speak honestly and openly about substance use or other sensitive issues. If they become angry or upset at the responses, adolescents will learn that it is not possible to discuss those subjects with them.

Bedtime or the car can be ideal times to speak about emotions with adolescents. It can be helpful to remind boys that sad feelings are normal and nothing they should be embarrassed about. Emotional self-awareness is a foundation of empathy and having youth perform chores at home not only provides useful life skills, it also builds kindness. To further empathy, rather than simply talking about bullying, parents can encourage children to offer support by asking targets of it to play at recess or sit with them at lunch or by simply standing near them in a friendly manner.

Imagine that your emotions are a piece of stained glass. When you want to share your feelings, choose the right time and person, picking someone who is open and understanding and will treat what you say with care. While it is important to share your emotions with people who will listen with empathy and respect, avoid venting to those who overly identify with your experience. It also is okay to say “I am not looking for solutions right now, I just need someone to listen.” To better express your emotions with a particular person. try saying “I feel ___ when you ___ because___.” and “I would like for you to ___.” This lets him or her know exactly how you feel. why you are experiencing those emotions and what you would like him or her to continue or do differently.

A 2007 study found that affect labeling, using words to express feelings, can help your brain react less strongly to negative emotions and make unwanted ones easier to manage and process. To help identify your emotions begin by asking, “What am I noticing or thinking?” Try setting a timer for five minutes and focusing on what you are feeling at that moment. The sensations in your body (like stress or tension) can provide clues to feelings like anger.

Anticipation is a happy emotion. To encourage it, think about positive things that are approaching, such as Fall Break or a concert by your favorite band. Even “negative” emotions can be beneficial, however. Anger can indicate what is important to you or when something is wrong and needs to be changed. Try to find creative ways to express it like cycling, doing yoga, hitting a punching bag or ball, meditating, painting, running, singing, swimming or taking a bath. Similarly, guilt can reveal when your actions are not aligned with your values. Your goal should be finding safe ways to process these sometimes harmful emotions.

It is possible to become emotionally exhausted. Symptoms include being easily irritated and unable to manage your emotions; feeling detached from reality, empty, tired and/or unmotivated; and having trouble sleeping. To combat emotional exhaustion, try to identify your major stressors, set realistic expectations, seek social support from friends and/or family, and focus on the present. Ultimately, particular emotions are not what matters, instead it is how you respond to them.