Helping Adolescents Manage Distress
Following the recent tragedies in Parkland, Florida and Santa Fe, Texas, it is important to learn how to help the youth in your life deal with their fear, grief and anger. Media coverage typically continues long after a school shooting has occurred. Even for teenagers, it is important to limit media exposure to not increase any anxiety they may have about attending school.
Be a good listener and provide adolescents with the opportunity to express their feelings. Grieving is a process rather than an event. Do not pressure teenagers to resume their normal activities without the opportunity to first deal with their emotional pain.
In order for adolescents to develop effective coping strategies for future tragedies or losses, adults need to be willing to address their questions respectfully without worrying about knowing all of the answers. By providing youth with the time and encouragement to share their feelings, you will enable them to process their emotions.
Individuals generally do not grieve in an orderly or predictable way and they often cannot tell you specific things that will be helpful. Be patient and establish a time to talk daily or weekly without the presence of screens, such as smartphones, video games and laptops.
Support may need to be long lasting, especially the more losses a teenager has faced. In addition, be aware of your own stress and need to grieve. You will be far more able to help the youth in your life if you take care of yourself.
If an adolescent has lost a specific person, such as a parent or friend, do not be afraid to talk about him or her. Remembering is an important part of the healing process. Simply mentioning the name of the individual is a way to give him or her permission to share his or her feelings and thoughts about the loved one.
Display affection while also maintaining appropriate discipline and boundaries. This will help youth feel safe and secure. If your child continues to be deeply affected, check in with other adults in his or her life, including teachers, school counselors and coaches, to see how things are going. Potential warning signs can be a change in his or her performance at school or relationships with peers, excessive worrying, having trouble sleeping, headaches or stomachaches, and/or a loss of interest in activities that he or she used to enjoy.
Reassure adolescents that while there are people who do evil things, the world ultimately is a good place. Taking positive action, such as helping to fund efforts to reduce gun violence or support improved mental health for all Americans, can allow youth to have a sense of control during a seemingly unpredictable and violent time. Teenagers can attend rallies, write letters to their elected officials and, when they turn 18, vote. Not only will these actions be healing and empowering, they also can make a positive change in our nation.