Support for Parents and Guardians
Having a son or daughter with depression or another mental health condition can be challenging. It is easy to let your concern for him or her consume your life. Caring for your own mental and physical health will serve as a positive model for your child and allow you to better assist in his or her recovery. It also is important to avoid using substances like alcohol or illegal drugs to cope with the stress you are facing.
Most parents’ first reaction to a mental health crisis or diagnosis is to wonder why this happened to their children? Rather than agonizing over mistakes you think you made, consider what you did right. Write a list of those things and read it aloud whenever you need reassurance. If you still feel that your child’s problems are partially your fault, identify what you could have done differently that would have resulted in a better outcome. In reality, most mental disorders are caused by biological, environmental and genetic factors beyond anyone’s control.
It is normal to experience anger, disbelief, frustration, guilt, hopelessness, irritability, self-blame, social isolation and changes in your appetite and sleeping patterns. To combat this, cultivate relationships with people who truly understand your feelings and vulnerabilities and with whom you will be able to share what is happening. Think small, a short walk, quick conversation or cup of coffee with a friend can make a significant difference.
If you have more than one child, it is important to maintain balance in your family by explaining what is happening to their sibling and spending one-on-one time with each of them. Try to combine your strengths with those of your spouse or partner and be willing to listen, compromise and consider new ideas. It can be helpful to hold family meetings to discuss ongoing issues and to plan your responses to them.
Remember, depression causes distortions in thoughts and actions. Do not overreact in the moment. Be realistic and match your hopes for the future with your son’s or daughter’s capabilities. If someone asks you how your child is doing, consider replying, “He is struggling day to day. All we wish for him is to be as happy as he can be.”, or something similar. Rather than being selfish, finding enjoyment in life despite what is happening to your family is essential for your own mental health. Finally consider joining a support group where you can share with and learn from others in your situation and receive mental health education and other helpful resources. Local options appear below.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness – Northern Virginia has Family Support Meetings in Alexandria, Arlington, Burke, Clifton, Falls Church, Herndon, Oakton, Reston and Vienna that are led by trained volunteers.
The Caron Parent Support Group is sponsored by the Caron Treatment Center. However, meetings are open to all parents whose children are afflicted by substance abuse and occur the second and fourth Thursdays of every month from 7:00 to 8:30 p.m. at the Falls Church Presbyterian Church located at 225 East Broad Street. (Enter from the parking lot through the back door of the church.)
The Fairfax County Juvenile & Domestic Relations District Court Parent Support Group hosts free walk-in meetings for parents and custodians of teenagers who are abusing alcohol or drugs, truant or running away from home. (The adolescents do not need to be involved in the justice system.) The sessions take place every Tuesday at 7:30 p.m. at 4110 Chain Bridge Road in Fairfax. For more information, call Juvenile Intake at (703) 246-2495.
Families Anonymous is a 12 Step fellowship for relatives and friends of individuals who have exhibited destructive behavior due to alcohol, drugs or related behavioral problems. Any concerned person is welcome, even if he or she only suspects a problem. A meeting takes place every Monday at 8:00 p.m. at the Little River United Church of Christ, which is located at 8410 Little River Turnpike in Annandale. (Enter through the front entrance. The meeting is held down the hall in the last room on the left.) For more information call (703) 861-1627.