What to Say to Someone With a Mental Health Issue
In 2016, an estimated 3.1 million American youth aged 12 to 17 had at least one major depressive episode; and in 2014, the National Survey on Drug Use and Health reported that approximately 1.3 million teenagers suffered from a substance abuse disorder. As a result, many more millions of family members and friends were impacted as well. Reminding individuals with mental health issues that a huge community of people, who are experiencing the same thing, surrounds them can help to reduce their feelings of isolation.
It can be difficult to know what to say to someone who has depression or another mental healh condition, including a substance abuse disorder. Try asking a noninvasive and judgment free question like, “How is it going?” This will allow the individual to decide how much he or she wants to share if anything. Let him or her steer the conversation and follow his or her lead.
Being in recovery is a lifelong process. As a result, do not focus on a “cure” or an end date. Remind your family member or friend that you support the things he or she is doing to regain his or her health, such as therapy, medication or support groups. Encourage any and all steps in the right direction.
Unless you have dealt with the particular issue personally, never say, “I know how you feel.” “I cannot imagine what you are going through. However, I am here for you and will help you get healthy in any way I can.” is a much better approach. Follow up by checking in on the individual regularly and making plans together, even if he or she sometimes cancels them.
Accept a person’s diagnosis as fact and do not question it. Attending a family support group will not only help you to learn about the condition yourself, it also likely will be a very meaningful gesture to your relative or friend. Hearing individuals share their personal stories, including their struggles and victories, will provide you with knowledge about what it is like to live with the mental health condition.
Rather than saying, “I had no idea you had a problem.”, which focuses on you, try, “I am proud of you.” It requires bravery and strength for an individual to reveal his or her mental health struggles. Recovering from depression or a substance abuse disorder can be extremely challenging so it is important to help the individual realize that all of the effort he or she is making is worthwhile.
Focus on the positive changes that the individual is accomplishing. Telling him or her that “You deserve to be happy and healthy and to have a full life.” can help combat the feelings of shame and low self-esteem that individuals with mental health issues often struggle against. For many, recovery truly is one day at a time. It can be invaluable to tell your friend or family member, “You are strong. I know you can do this.”
Finally there are actions you can take to support and assist someone with a mental health issue. Do not enable the individual by covering up for his or her missed obligations. Refuse to participate with him or her in behaviors, such as co-rumination or drinking alcohol, that can affect his or her recovery. Finally, continue to stress the importance of seeking professional help and do not feel like you are betraying your friend or family member if you believe it is necessary to tell a trusted adult, like a school counselor, parent or spiritual leader, about the situation without his or her consent. You could be helping to save a life. #BeTheDifference #ItsOkayToTalk